Lost in Translation
by kwhimsy
Summary: [Oneshot] "Translate. Hold up." Castle started as he sat up suddenly, his hands rummaging through his coat pockets as he pulled out his phone. "There was this app I heard about... yes!" Excitement was rolling off him in waves now as he opened something and tapped on the screen before holding it out to Kate. "Say something."


The soft electronic ping was the only warning before the elevator doors whooshed open, revealing a rather harassed looking Richard Castle supporting a very drunk Kate Beckett.

"Come on, Kate. It's only a few more steps-"

"Я не хочу , чтобы переместить. [I don't want to move.]" she whined, managing to free herself from Castle's grip before sliding downwards, her back against the elevator wall. "Мои ноги действительно очень больно. [My feet really really hurt.]"

Torn between general exasperation and amusement, Castle simply shook his head. "Still haven't managed to magically learn Russian, sorry."

"Выочень сексуальный мужчина , Ричард Касл. [You're a very sexy man, Richard Castle.]" she slurred, a smile on her face as she reached up for her husband.

"I'm just going to pretend you said you want me to pick you up and carry you to the loft, because there's no way we're staying here tonight." He stated, before reaching down to scoop Kate up in his arms.

"Эй! [Hey!]" She squacked, her arms flying forward to wrap themselves around Castle's neck.

"You know, this would be a lot easier if you'd speak English." he sighed as he carried the both of them out the elevator.

"Английский? Что это? Я не знаю, что вы говорите. [English?What is that?I don't know what are you talking about.]"

Stopping in front of the loft's door, Castle briefly glanced down at the woman in his arms. "Do you think you could stand for a moment? I need to get my keys."

"Я не хочу стоять, мне комфортно у тебя на руках [I don't want to stand, I'm very comfortable in your arms]"

"I'm starting to think I should invest in a Rosetta Stone or something." he muttered before placing her back upright on her feet. One hand reaching out to steady her, he searched quickly through his pocket for his keys before unlocking the door. "Let's get you to bed."

"Я не устала, я не хочу спать. [I'm not tired, I don't want to sleep.]" she complained, her dragging feet and general resistance enough of a hint for Castle to form an educated guess of what she was saying.

"No bed? Fine, how about some water?" he sighed as he changed course and led her to the sofa instead.

"Нет. [No.]" she grumbled as she sank into the sofa, glaring at Castle.

Castle visibly brightened as he finally recognized a word. "Oh, that was no, right?" he exclaimed, excitement spilling out of him before he realized what she had said. "Wait, no? C'mon Kate, you have to drink something or you'll have the worst headache tomorrow."

"Но мне не нужна вода , я выпила всю водку, там, в баре. [But I don't need water, I drank all that vodka back at the bar.]"

"And we're back to square one." Castle sighed as he sank into the sofa next to Kate. "God, if only Alexis had taken Russian instead of French, at least I could call her to translate."

"Если бы ты разрешил ей провести тот семестр за рубежом, тогда... [Would you have let her take that semester abroad then-]" she started, before she was interrupted mid sentence by an eager Castle.

"Translate. Hold up." Castle started as he sat up suddenly, his hands rummaging through his coat pockets as he pulled out his phone. "There was this app I heard about... yes!" Excitement was rolling off him in waves now as he opened something and tapped on the screen before holding it out to Kate. "Say something."

"Что? [What?]"

Glancing down at the screen, Castle's smile only grew wider as he saw what was written on the screen. "You said what, right?"

"Да. [Yes.]"

"Yes." Castle answered, reading out loud from his iPhone screen. "Thank you, google."

"Ты серьезно переводишь меня через Гугл Транслейт прямо сейчас? [Are you seriously Google Translating me right now?]"

It took a few moments this time, but a few moments the words popped up. "Are you sure you are using the Google Translate for me right now? Ok, so not perfect but it works. And yes, yes I am."

"Ты не прикольный" [You're no fun.]

His eyes darting downwards for a second to read the word, Castle found himself sputtering in idignation. "I'm no fun? I'm not the one going of in Russian here-"

"Но я думала, тебе нравится русская Беккетт. Что она была...ну, секси?" [But I thought you loved Russian Beckett. That she was, oh, sexy?]"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Russian Beckett is very sexy. But Russian Beckett also wasn't going off in full blown Russian at the time."

"Но это более достоверно, не так ли? [But this is more authentic, is it not?]"

His brow furrowing in confusion, he glanced up at Beckett. "Reliable? How is this more reliable?"

"Не надежный, достоверный. Видишь? В конце концов, Google Translate не является совершенным. [Not reliable, authentic. See? Google Translate isn't perfect after all.]"

"I guess it's more authentic," he groused as he shook his head. "And not my fault that you won't speak English to me and I have to use this." he added as he stood up. "And I know you said you didn't want any water, but if you don't drink some your'e going to end up with a huge headache tomorrow." he added as he moved off towards the kitchen.

"Я думаю, я могу выпить стакан воды. [Fine, I think I could drink one glass of water.]" she reluctantly agreed. "Впрочем, только один". [Only one, though.]"

"Yes, only one." he reassured her as he dug around for the largest glass he could find in the cupboard. "So, why Russian?"

"Русские весёлые, русские секси. Я скучаю по русским. [Russian's fun, Russian's sexy. I miss Russian.]" she admitted as she accepted the glance of water from Castle. Taking a sip, she made a face as she forced it down. "Вода странная на вкус. [Water tastes weird.]"

"Water tastes strange? Really, coming from the woman who just chugged half a bottle of vodka?" he teased, reaching up to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. Settling himself back on the sofa, he kept an eye on Kate as she finished off the glass of water. "Well, we could always take a trip to Russia." he mused, glancing over at Kate just in time to see her face light up.

"О, это было бы замечательно. Я не была там с третьего курса. [Oh, that'd be fantastic. I haven't been back since my junior year.]" she exclaimed, the grin on her face making her enthusiasm perfectly clear. Finishing off the glass, she placed it on the coffee table in front of them before snuggling up to Castle's side. "Спасибо, Касл. [Thank you, Castle.]" she muttered as her eyes began drifting closed.

His arm snaking around her shoulders, Castle glanced down at his phone and he smiled as he saw the words that appeared. "Love you, Kate."

۰ ۰ ۰

Tumblr Prompt: Kate gets hammered on vodka one night with Rick but no matter what he does she only speaks Russian

Credit to the absolutely lovely and fantastic Serebranka for correcting the atrocious google translated mess that I passed of as Russian ❤


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